‘Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.’ — John Quincy Adams —
How many times it happened to you that you felt paralyzed against taking action, due to fears? What did you feel at that moment? What did you do? Did you conquer your fears or gave up to them? Do you pay ATTENTION to your way of reacting to fears?
Whatever your answer to these questions, that’s OK. While diving right in and confronting a fear head-on can be very effective, that may require more courage than you feel you can summon right now.
The most important point I want you to learn from this article is that real courage is a mental skill, not an emotional one. That will increasingly help you also in developing your networking and building relations skills as well as giving a sincere ATTENTION to other human being (whom might need it!).
In other words, you can overcome any limitation you may have, and specifically fears, gain courage, by using your human intelligence, logic, and independent. When you learn how to do it, it feels great!
I want to share with you two methods; I practiced during the years for building courage and give my sincere attention even to strangers. I am sure they are very effective, since they helped me, and people that are close to me and I encourage you to use them.
Itzik Amiel inspiring, motivating and practical talks filmed in September 2013 during the International Referral Annual Conference at the British Academy of Film, Television & Arts (BAFTA) in London.
Method 1: Progressive Training
As I mentioned many times during my presentations, and trainings [see also my previous blog post: goo.gl/c7pNzN And my video at: goo.gl/Q5wsqx and goo.gl/rtSKe8], in order to conquer fears and gain courage, you do not need to take drastic action!
We can compare building courage to weight training. Just as weight training strengthens your muscles, dealing with fears training strengthens your courage. Courage is a learned mental skill that you must condition. When you train to lift heavy weight, you do not try to lift right away, for the first time 500kg. Similarly, if you want to be courageous, you must not tackle your most paralyzing fear right away.
Let me give you a practical advise, do the following exercise:
Step 1: Please write down [I insist that you write it down and not think, since writing down will turn your thoughts into actions! Trust me on this one] one of your fears that you’d like to overcome.
Step 2: Write down ten variations of this fear;
Step 3: Number from one to ten this list of variations, with number one being the least anxiety producing and number ten being the most anxiety producing. This is your fear hierarchy.
For example, if you’re afraid of approaching a stranger in a networking event, then number one on your list might be going out to an event/conference and smiling at someone you do not know (very mild fear). Number two might be smiling at ten interesting strangers (i.e. I mean by that ten people that you might approach to start a conversation) in a single day of a conference. Number ten might be asking to schedule a meeting, in front of all your friends, when you’re almost certain you’ll be turned down flat and everyone in the room will laugh (extreme fear).
How do you start? First, set a goal to complete number one on your list. Once you’ve had that success (and success in this case simply means taking action, regardless of the outcome), then move on to number two, and so on, until you’re ready to tackle number ten…in no time, you will not feel the fear is limiting you anymore.
Remember – try to make the actions on your list practical for you to actually experience!
Many times I was asked, what if the step I took is too big? My answer is always – break it down into additional steps. Exactly like weight lifting – If you can lift 490kg but not 500kg, then try 491 or even 492. The fact that the next step is a mild challenge for you, it will help you gain confident that you can complete. Furthermore, I advise you to repeat a past step multiple times if you find it helpful to prepare you for the next step. Pace yourself.
This method is easy to follow and it will create a progressive training process for your mental skill. Thus, I am sure that you will be able to cease reinforcing the fear that you exhibited in the past (when for example approaching strangers).
Moreover, the fact that your feelings of fear will diminish at the same time that your expression of courage grows will help you to act with a lot more courage in future similar situations. Try it and you will find it amazing useful!
Method 2: Acquire additional Knowledge and Skills
This second method is especially effective when a large part of your fear is due to the unknown.
Sometimes your fear, or May I say the lack of courage, sourced from lack of knowledge or skills in the area of your fears. Many professionals that I know personally are great in what they do but still are very fearful and even ‘hate’ networking (I think it is another way to deal with fears, which is a subject to future blog post). This fear developed largely due to ignorance and lack of networking (relationship building) skills of these professionals. A very practical way to deal with these sorts of fears is by gathering information and following training.
For example, if you’re afraid to approach people in a networking event and start a conversation, even though you’d absolutely love to be with and around interesting people and being social, then start reading books and taking classes on how to use ‘attention’ to create relationship etc. or do the research online. Join a club, an association and any relevant trade organizations in your field. Attend conferences. Build connections. Many people choose to use and enlist the help of myself as their networking and relationship mentor and coach.
This knowledge will help you act more boldly and courageously when you’re ready. You feel confident and you will understand, based on this knowledge that you acquired, that you could actually succeed. I proved it successfully, over and over many times during events and conferences, by taking a shy person, within minutes, out of their comfort zone and turning them into a sincere ATTENTION giver and relationship builder.
Please remember: Fear is not your enemy. It is a compass pointing you to the areas where you need to grow. So when you encounter a new fear within yourself, celebrate it as an opportunity for growth, just as you would celebrate reaching a new personal best with strength training.
This is the main reason why I chose for an innovative approach to training within the professional services community. Through personalized training processes, our attendees develop the skills they need for ongoing success in their field of practice. In many of my in-house trainings I highlight the importance of business development expertise in an ever-increasing competitive market. This includes; creative positioning, attentional networking, client relations & retention, firm management & branding and how to effectively utilize time to gain new business. This creates a hub where participants can get inspired, realize their talents and make a difference to their business.
I invite you to approach me and discuss possible innovative ideas to help your organization/firm growth…it will surely blow up your mind! more informaion: https://itzikamiel.com/speaking
