Why is it so important to remember people’s name? Dale Carnegie said about this important element of paying attention: “A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language”.
Remembering people’s name is one of the elementary rules of Attentional Networking. The name of the person is so important part of paying attention and building relationship that you need to take the necessary time and energy to remember them. Nobody will accept any excuse from you, like you did not have enough time. By using the name of the other person, whoever he/she is, you will let him/her feel significant and that you are really interested to build relationship with him/her. The name of the person is the in the sole ownership of this person, and his only. It is simple, but yet how many people do that on a daily basis?
I participated, without exaggeration, in quite a lot of conferences in my life and met a lot of people as well as introduced many people to others. When doing so, and introducing two strangers to each other, many times they will spend few minutes in a conversation and ending up without knowing or remembering each other name. How stupid that is? Plus, let’s face it, blanking on someone’s name whom you’ve met before — or worse, just been introduced to — is borderline rude, and fully embarrassing. Bear in mind how you feel when someone forgets your name; nobody likes to be forgotten!
I dearly believe that if you care bout a person and sincerely want to build relationship with this person – you must remember this person name and use it as often as you can. Can you imagine a relationship between a husband and wife without them remembering each other name? Can you dare to build a partnership with potential business partner without knowing his/her name? I rest my case.
Let me guess – your next question is: how do I remember people’s names?
Indeed, sometime it is difficult, even for me, to remember a person name or even hard to pronounce it. I have adopted during the years a few magical tools and tricks that I would like to share with you. You might find it useful and practical. Please remember, that you have permission to forget a name on occasionally basis, as long as you do your best efforts to use all he tools I will give you to try and remember it.
Here are the 7 magical tools. Try them yourself and share with me your results:
1. Every name is unique
If this is your starting assumption, every time you meet a new person – you will definitely take the time to pay attention when you hear a name for the first time. Give sincere attention to the actual moment of exchanging names with the other person. It shows that you care, you are interested and do not treat it as formality. This care will help you to create (physiological reaction and mental energy that will create) the capacity to remember the name.
I must admit that for years of research and personal interest in building relationship with other people, I know that we all have the capacity to remember other people names. So if we chose to forget someone’s name is because we are not really interested in this person. We chose not to give this person our attention and not really focused on learning the name in the first place. So to be good in remembering name, you need first to make a decision deep in your heart that you really care and want to give your attention to this person. Only then all below magical tools will greatly help you.
2. Repeat the name
Very simple but practical tool is repeating to yourself the name of the person (at least three times), as soon as you hear it. Try to mimic the sound and the way the other person pronounces his/her name. Keep an eye contact with the other person while repeating his/her name. By doing so, your brain will actually link the name with the visual image of this person face. Your brain will know to pull it out of the ‘memory draw’ in the next time you see that person.
You may also repeat this person’s name, sparingly, by mentioning it in every interaction with him/her throughout the conversation. But be careful not to over do it or you use it repetitive way! When you’re saying goodbye, make sure to use the name one last time while looking them in the face, and make an effort to commit it to memory.
3. Associate the name
It is always great to associate two similar words together to stimulate your brain to remember them. So when somebody shares his/her name with you try to associate it with another word that easy for you to remember: a different word that rhyme with the name (e.g. Alex – Rolex; Dana – Banana); try to link something of context of the conversation to their name (e.g. Michael – who likes Michael Bublé; Dina – from Argentine).
You can also combine a scene between the person name and something else you know about them. For example, if you meet someone named Rajiv from India, imagine him standing next to the Taj Mahal.
You can also use colors, sounds, facial features (e.g. big lips, curly hair) to make that person and their name distinguishable. Try to select the most outstanding feature and attach the name to that.
This association behavior is based on “mnemonics,” The combination between the senses and imagination will transform boring information into something more vibrant that can easily stored in our memory.
4. Connect the name
Another way association can be helpful is to make a connection between the person you met, and someone else you know (or even a celebrity) with the same name, i.e. Sam like my best friend’s name; Sharon looks like Beyoncé. Create a mental picture of this new person standing beside somebody else you already know well with the same name, or a similar name.
5. Ask for the name again
There is nothing wrong of asking the other person to remind you his/her name. The opposite, it shows sincere interest and the fact that you are willing to give your full attention to other person. Seize the moment though – be sure to say that you “didn’t catch” the name, or something similar, straightaway. Sometimes, especially when you never heard the name before, the name needs to be said again, perhaps more clearly or slowly. Remember – you need to listen well this second time!
Another possibility to ask their name is by Introducing your new acquaintance to person you already know, hopefully they will step up and introduce themselves, giving you the opportunity to hear their name again.
6. Ask to Spell the name
Another easy tool is asking the other person to spell for you his/her name as soon as I meet them. In the same time they do it, you should spell it in your mind and see yourself writing the letters (or even write it in real on a piece of paper – you might even like to add some notes about the person’s looks and personality, and where you met). Your brain will be forced in this way to store the information (the spelling) you just learned. This technique can be helpful if you have a visual memory, as it creates a mental picture of the person’s name. If appropriate, exchange business card with the person, and have a good look at the spelling of the name.
I also assume that the act of asking someone for the correct spelling of their name, increases the times you going to hear this person name and will leave you with this specific memory (which definitely also help to remember the name). Needless to mention that this request from the other person to spell their name, show a direct care and attention that you are giving to the other person. It will directly influence for you’re your relationship building with the other person. So don’t be hesitant about asking for the spelling or just asking the person to say his/her name again. People like it when you take an interest in them.
7. The name as a game
I met some people who like to create a small game out of the names of people. This solution may work when you are in a small group and want to remember many names in the same times. For example, with every new name you hear, repeat the previous names you heard, while looking at those faces and memorizing them. The brain has amazing abilities to create visual connections and patterns to help you in remembering.
I use this method sometimes in my keynote presentations in events, when I repeat people names in the group loudly. It gives a special warm feeling to every person that you remember his or her name.
Practice these tips and tricks for remembering names to strengthen your recall. Using a person’s name is a key to opening doors for you and give your authentic attention that could turn this person into a new friend for life or a lifelong business partner. Make the decision to start remembering people’s names from TODAY!
Do you have any additional tactics that you use to remember people’s name? Share with me, I will be happy to learn and share the new ideas.
Are you interested to learn how I can help you maximize your results and use people’s name to build relationship? Contact me to discuss tailored ideas for your specific needs!
