TO ‘DEAR’ OR NOT TO ‘DEAR’

For a long time this question was in my mind: What is the right way to start your email when you are trying to develop new business relationships with someone you do not know? In scanning my email inbox, I find that most emails I receive from strangers start directly with my name “Itzik”. No “Hi” or “Dear” attached to it. Is that true that this is the most common and accepted e-mail salutation?

I, on the other hand, almost always start my emails correspondence with “Hi” “Hello” or “Dear” to any person, including people I don’t know. In some cases, I will make rare exceptions, for instance if I will write my first email to a very respected person or a public figure.

Why is it so important? Is there any connection between your email salute and your networking attitude? I definitely believe there is.

I am convinced that saluting in your first email to a person you do not know, is exactly as saluting this person in a face-to-face meeting. You should be conscious that you are choosing to get familiar by the other person. Your aim should be as soon as possible to let the other person feel comfortable with you. You want them to let down their guard and start exchanging with you in a genuine and authentic manner. In using a very friendly salute in your email you make instantly your correspondence sound relaxed and welcoming, you get the other person interested enough to read a few lines in your email.

But what is the rest of the world doing when it comes to e-mail salutations to a new contact? How is most business conducted these days, and what is the best way to approach e-mail greetings, at a time when e-mail and texting increasingly replace voice-to-voice conversations and in-person meetings? Should emails to a new contact start with “Dear”, “Hi”, “Hey” or only with the other person name?

To clarify my question – I am not asking what is the correct or recommended way to start your email from politeness or business etiquette points of view. My question is more related to the networking and building relationship opportunity represented by the salute opening of the email.

For answers, I talked to several of my contacts (from different countries, different industries and different group age). We all agreed that there is no uniform rule these days for saluting in an email and one should definitely use some form of a salutation, rather than just diving into the e-mail text. But some were thinking that when you’re writing to someone you know very well, it is like a conversation and no need for any form of salutation. Really?

Though many people now see “Dear” as outmoded, and replace it with “Hello” (especially when the person you writing to is not dear to you), I still think it is fine as long as there is a form of salutation in the email. The most important point is to use some form of salutation, otherwise, e-mail is too cold and impersonal and the results will be reflected accordingly.

I had many discussions on this point in the past, but I still believe that an e-mail is the new format of paper letter. I trust you agree that at least the first email you send somebody you don’t know is not a conversation or a chat form.

In some occasions I decided not to do business with someone I do not know, who started his first e-mail to me with my first name, because I didn’t feel like I am being respected and that the other person is a like-minded person. In these cases, the opening salute of the email dilute the opportunity to build authentic relationship with the other person.

Mark Hurst, author of the book Bit Literacy: Productivity in the Age of Information and E-Mail Overload., believes that “Dear” is totally outmoded. “You simply don’t start e-mails with the word ‘Dear,’” he says. “It’s simply not a practice I see.” “What’s at stake here is not being polite,” he says. “It’s the time and attention you’re asking from the person you’re e-mailing.” For Hurst, an e-mail should be judged on whether it communicates as clearly and succinctly as possible, not whether it uses a particular salutation.

Does Hulst opinion also valid when you are trying to build relationship with someone you do not know? Will you be tempted to develop business relationships with someone who communicate clearly but does not respect you?

Once I heard an interesting comparison that the e-mail salutation is a lot like arriving at a party – Better to be overdressed. You can always take off the tie.

Using proper and particular salutation in an email convey a message to the other person. You can communicate with the way you start your email if you want to give your sincere attention to the other person and build business relationship with her or him. Email salutation is much more than semantic; it is an invitation to the other person to connect with you. So you need to do it in the most authentic and proper way that fits your personality. I do not believe that one solution fits all.

It’s about the time and attention you’re GIVING TO the other person you’re e-mailing and not about the time and attention you’re ASKING FROM the person you’re e-mailing. This is reflected directly in the beginning of your email (like in the beginning of every conversation) including in your way you salute the other person.

My conclusion, be yourself and reflect in the best possible and authentic way to your personality also in the way you salute other people in your email to them.

I personally would continue to stick with “Hi” or “Dear” as a way to open and connect with people I don’t know and people that I know, as a starting point to build my relationship with them.

What do you think? How do you address and use the salutation in your e-mails to connect with others? What are your ideas?

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