Powerful Conversations: Five Pieces of Advice

During the years that I practiced and trained on Business networking, I met a lot of people that call themselves ‘master networkers’ but when you get to know them you learn that much of networking they practice just seems to smack of manipulation and insincerity.

I was asked recently in a panel I participated in an international event, what is so unique about my “Attentional Networking” philosophy? Isn’t it obvious that networking philosophy is “you get by giving”?

My answer is very simple: I believe that even that philosophy of networking has the root assumption of giving as ultimately a manipulation to get what you want, rather than real generosity of spirit.

In networking, you need to have sincere and genuine conversations with other people. You need to give for the pure sake of giving without expecting to get anything in return!

So how the quantity and the quality of conversations during networking events can help to develop more sincere conversations?

Nowadays when many people have an active list in social media consists of few hundreds or even few thousands of connections, the conventional thinking seems to be that whoever has the biggest network wins.

I loudly disagree. Call me old school, but I say size doesn’t matter. I’ll trade a vast network for a short list of real allies any day.

Check yourself: Try to reflect on the three social interactions you had this week. Did you truly connect with those people? Was the conversation meaningful in some way? Or were you just engaged in non-valuable conversation?

Let me declare quite in the beginning: Quality, not quantity of the conversation, is the only real measurement for authentic networking.

Pay attention that I aim on quality conversations (not quality people) while networking. Since I agree with those arguing that there’s no such thing as a quality person vs. a non-quality person

If that means I connect only with one person at an event, well, great. As long as in this quality conversation, in this limited moment in time, something authentic and real happens!

Maybe you feel mighty uncomfortable when you walk into a networking event, I do not blame you! I have sometimes this feeling too!

Not that I don’t want to connect with appropriate people and build sincere relationships. I do. It’s just that I want to find real, appropriate people to have a real and quality conversation with. I just don’t like being part of a room full of speed daters.

For me, the most effective network is a smaller group with high-quality conversations.  These are people that I am willing to introduce to other connections of mine; I am willing to share with them and listen for business opportunities,  or if necessary, provide them with relevant knowledge and insights out of my network and own experiences.  They also do the same thing for me.

What I am looking for is a real connection. Isn’t everyone? Quantity of conversation cannot substitute for quality of conversation.

In an article for themuse.com, Adrian J. Hopkins writes that it’s not the quantity (of LinkedIn) connections that matters – it’s the quality that counts.

To effectively use LinkedIn to create a strong network, Adrian writes that one should start by learning to differentiate between contacts and connections which is what networking has always been about.

“Contacts are one-way: You only reach out when you need something. It’s a numbers game in which you believe your chances are better by having as many as possible. (If you cold call 1,000 people, someone is bound to bite, right?!) On the other hand, “connections” are two-way: You care about the people who are in your network. You give them as much as you want to receive, and you stay in touch whether or not either of you needs something. And the results are better for everyone.”

The key, then, is how to create connections that are engaging and personal, which can then lead to an offline quality relationship which provides a win-win situation.

In an excellent article in the Harvard Business Review online titled, “99 Percent of Networking Is a Waste of Time.”, Greg McKeon, the author of The New York Times bestseller Essentialism did a series of interviews with venture capitalist and entrepreneur Rich Stromback (whom he calls “Mr. Davos” and who is widely respected for his networking skills during Davos events)

Briefly, here are five pieces of advice we can adopt (out of the report of McKeon) to have more quality conversations:

1. Don’t care about your first impression.

You should not care about first impressions. You better let people discover you over time than go for an immediate positive response.

As reported by McKeon:

“Curiously, research I read years ago suggests that you build a stronger bond over time with someone who doesn’t like you immediately compared to someone who does”.

Networkers just get this wrong. They “try to look right and sound right and end up being completely forgettable.”

2. Ninety-nine percent of any networking event is a waste of time.

Ask yourself the following question: what do you think determined the quality of any event you are joining? Is it its content? Or maybe the collective wisdom of all the gathered attendees themselves?

I believe it is the latter.

The highest value of networking events, is the ability to have so many face-to-face interactions which either initiate or further key relationships.

3. People bond when they having fun

I always being quoted saying that. I believe that the opportune moments happen in the evening during a special cocktail party or special closed private event, where only a select group of people is invited.  It works for me.

It keeps me fresh and catered for real interactions at appropriate venues and gatherings.

Remember: You don’t need to meet everyone.

4. The key to networking is to stop networking.

You, I and every person who participate in a networking event are hungry for real conversations and real relationships.

It just has to be authentic, genuine and sincere.

After all, by networking you should be able to develop a close personal connections that can be your business ambassadors in the market place.

So I advise you to relax, go with the flow and spend time with who you enjoy.

5. Choose wisely which events to attend

Networking is about knowing where to be and when and under what conducive circumstances.

The art is to know where appropriate people will be. You want to spend time with people in quality conversations.

You definitely need to abhor and avoid very loud party events. Many times they are useless.

Last word.

For me, real networking is simply a lifelong process. Networking is a way of life of staying true to yourself and having the courage to consistently present your authentic self to the world. If you do that, the right people will find you. I promise!

You need to be extremely efficient and focus on what and who is truly essential. Giving the right attention to the right people and having quality conversation with them. That only comes from building better relationships, not necessarily more relationships.

And that I believe the true essence of powerful conversations.

QUESTION: Do you play the numbers game while networking? Or do you choose for quality conversations? Do you value quality over quantity when it comes to networking?